Thursday, 14 December 2017

For Ages to Come...

There is this book I love, on Krishna's life..from his childhood till after he leaves Earth..It ends with Krishna speaking these beautiful lines to Garga Muni ( a saint ) who is pondering the fact that there will never be anyone else like him to walk this earth ...someone who will continue to capture hearts for ages to come.

Translated from Malayalam..

Acharya, I haven't gone anywhere
You can see me in the eyes of the innocent
My smile in the cool rays of the full moon
My voice as the clear notes of truth
I shall continue to be here...


Sunday, 3 September 2017

My Escape


I miss you. I really do. 

 I wish you were really here , I know that sounds childish but still..:/ 

I've lost that feeling , that way I felt about you before... Please, please , I want it back. 

Please dont take that away from me, it's the only crutch I have in this world, in the midst of the chaos , and the mad rush for success. I'll  try my best to play my part well , and you know that  I'll continue to search for love and happiness , and meaning here .. and when I fail ,  again and again..;  when  the familiar shades of darkness starts reaching for me.. I want my escape , Krishna . 

I want You. 

Strangers from Distant Lands..

Old  letter #1 

Dear  Krishna, 

As I think of you now, how many others would be thinking of you , in different parts of the world.. I wonder who that person in some lone island was , who Googled your name.  Or that woman in Ireland, who went  walking  across the moors , and came home to make you a garland of wild flowers. 

Closer home,  I wonder  what DP, or ILWK or LUEN would be doing now..Strangers all, yet we all share a common relationship with you . And we all claim that you are ours , and  you are an expert in making us believe so  too ..( I don't know why I felt so,  way back when I wrote this . He does that maybe once in a blue moon ) . 

It feels strange though , when people think that all this is about religion; when they ask   ' Oh, you are quite religious , then?'  . They couldn't be more wrong . 
You , dearest Madhava , are our father, brother , friend , lover, master, guide, protector, son..playing a different role according to how your devotee sees you.

For me, Krishna.. Well, I cannot think of my life without you . 

Yours forever, 
Lost Gopi 

Saturday, 10 December 2016

A Loving Reminder

Hey guys,

So, this really sweet thing happened last  month  , and I wanted to share it with everyone here.

It was just another long , tiring day . I got back home from work , and was in a particularly depressing mood.  I feel so depressed most of the time nowadays, I feel so empty and drained of energy .. I know, it's so cliched,  but its a cycle I cant seem to break  -  Being ok , then something ..or rather , the lack of something , in my life ( not talking of  material stuff here) will trigger my descend into these really bleak thoughts.

Okay, so that evening , I  just wanted to lie down and sleep. I sat on my bed , declared that I dont feel like making dinner, and took out my phone.  Everything felt so pointless , I googled ''I miss Krishna" and few other things on a similar note , and then  browsed some blogs on him , old ones .  I do this sometimes , but the last I thought of him was a month or two back . 

That's when my husband ( lets call him  'N' )   said  -  ''Hey, looks like there is some function going on in the Club house , lets go check it out.  Maybe there's food. " . I replied dully "Okay".   The club house is like a party hall in our apartment . 

I left our apartment reluctantly and stepped out into the cold night. We reached the hall , only a few people where inside., whatever the function was , had gotten over . There were some  deities decked up on an altar on the stage , with lamps placed in front of them  . We didn't care much though, we hurried over to where they were still giving out prasad . 

Suddenly, one lady  standing beside me asked If i had offered dia to bhagwan . 'Um,  no' , I said. She said it would be nice if we did that before eating the prasad , and took N and me to the altar. I picked up a lamp , and placed it in front of the deity and looked up to the smiling face of Krishna ! Yes, the deities were of Radha Krishna , beautifully dressed up in flower garlands.  I was amazed. I noticed there was a guy from ISKCON standing  next to me and asked him what was special about today . He said that it was related to the  Kartik month celebrations .

 The month of Kartik is considered auspicious by Krishna devotees, and one of the sweetest pastimes of baby Krishna took place in this month - the one where he gets tied up by his mother  for stealing butter .   I  love that pastime ! 
Krishna lets himself be bound by Yashoda , after she surrenders to him indirectly , saying  - " I'm tired of this , Krishna. What miracle is this? I have tried and tried to tie you up with all this rope, but still cant get it around your tiny waist! Now, you do whatever you like ..I give up " . Krishna here agrees to be bound and defeated by our love for him .  

Before , during this month  , I used  to offer lighted lamps to the Tulsi plant ( Tulsi devi) and ask  for devotion to Krishna always. Tulsi devi is a great devotee and extremely dear to Krishna .  I had completely forgotten about it now though .  I told him so , and he said "Well , this is Krishna reminding you ",  and smiled .   I just said ''Yeah " and laughed.  I was filled with so much of love for  him !! Our darling little baby reminding me that it was his favorite month , and that he wasn't getting any attention from me :) 

 I remember reading about something similar in Drainpiper's blog too - Krishna never forgets us, even if we forget him. 

N was pleasantly surprised too , I had just been complaining to him of how I missed Krishna. Anyway, the little charmer had turned my mood around . We sat down , and started eating the prasad. The ISKCON guy we were talking to, came and sat next to us after a while. We started chatting about stuff, where we were from ..our work .. about his coming into ISKCON etc. 

He asked N if he knew the pastime associated with this month. He said no. He asked if N would like to hear about it. N said okay , as he didn't want to sound rude. And my husband doesn't really care about all this,  his beliefs are more atheistic.  I couldn't help smiling ( actually wanted to laugh out loud) . I mean, it was funny . The guy started describing the pastime in great detail and there N was, pretending to be interested and laughing at the right moments in the story. . Lol. Now, I enjoy listening to anyone talk about Krishna with love , so had a pretty nice time just sitting there, listening. 

On the way back home , N teasingly told me that if it wasn't for him, all this wouldn't have happened. So the real credit for cheering me up goes to him, Krishna was taking false credit.  :P hehehee..

Once we reached, I rushed to the small pooja room in  my house, and hugged Krishna.  I love this baby  so damn much!  He made me feel that he cared about me , and wanted to cheer me up . It could all be a perfectly normal coincidence now , but I'd like to think it was him , my Krishna ,  the one constant in my life .. in whom I can take comfort in  , even during my darkest days. 

Sunday, 28 August 2016


Our baby's birthday is here again :)

This time it was in  my flat , away from home. Usually I make him a Tulsi garland , sing a few kirtans to him , ..and stay up till 12 , watching the Janmashtami programs from Mathura etc live on TV .

This time though, I had just gotten a tulsi plant from my neighbour, and it was pretty small , so I could just offer him one leaf.. Anyway I made rice pudding for him.

And there was homemade butter felt so good to offer butter to the makhan chor.

And in this pic, it looks as though  he is having our butter , instead of the one in the painting.,  :))

Friday, 17 June 2016

Ageless Bond

As I write this, I feel an incredible sense of peace and happiness.  Yeah, I'm in one of my moments of enlightenment, as I'd like to call it ...uhh..Im just being dramatic :)   But its a feeling I cant I feel connected  to the Universe..I suddenly feel full of purpose and usually say things like "Oh ! I'm so grateful..feel so happy/blessed " etc..This inevitably causes anyone whos near me to go " Why? You okay? What are you so happy about ?' And I say " Everything!!.." and  give some weird explanation..Then I'm left alone for a This just happened now, .. my husband was that unfortunate soul.

Anyway..what made me feel like this now , was this one poem .   I had posted it earlier on this blog, Unending Love , by Ravindranath Tagore.  Just a while back, I was googling old videos of Krishna, that I used to watch before..long back , when my thoughts were almost always consumed by him. seems like a distant memory, almost like from another life. 

Now, my life and priorities are so very different from what they were a few years back.  I'm married now, I'm almost sure I have grown up a little..actually a lot. I think of things in a different way now  ..have different life goals etc. Krishna is just a fleeting thought, a sweet memory from my girlhood..

But, it doesnt take much for me to go back . The things that remind me of him , just makes me realise how much I crave that ecstatic happiness that Id felt a lot of times before. .
How transient all my worries, concerns are..It makes me see the bigger picture. Every. Single. Time.

And most importantly it makes me realise that I have only this one life to live!.. And so many things I want to live in a way that would make my life on Earth fulfilling. ..( And my version of ''fulfilling' is pretty high end..and not to say, idealistic to an extent) 
And for that Krishna gently reminds me , that I need to be in the present. To believe that all that had happened, and is happening is somehow unfolding the future that I want for myself..

So, I came across this song profound,  it brought me to tears.  Just listen to this woman sing it. We can interpret it in many ways, but I always relate it to this song was about our relationship..and the many loves (or  many different relationships ) we go through in  our many lifetimes on Earth.   And how every relationship is just a reflection of our original love/relationship with Krishna..