I'd love to wake up like this

This happened a few months back. The early hours of a Wednesday morning. I was sleeping , this wasn't even close to the time I'd normally wake up.   I get up around 7.00 . Something jolted me to consciousness. I was sleepily wondering what, when I heard it . People were calling out Krishna's names..! I could hear their voices coming closer . 'Govinda' ..Gopal ..Bolo'..and the Hare Krishna chants! All traces of sleep left me, and I jumped out of bed . At first I thought it was some Pooja in my neighbours house, and spent a few minutes staring out my window. Thats when the voices got closer . I dashed out my room , across the hall and hurriedly tried to unlock the door to the sit-out. I could hear my brother (in the room across the hall) asking my mom..'Huh? What in the world is that?' Well, by the time I managed to open the door, they had gone past my house. 

Turns out they were people from some Ashram near somewhere. Kind of like the Hare Krishnas ,  I think.  I've only just heard about them and all  .  It was great waking up to Krishnas names like that. My mom was amused at all this. She was like  'Usually you don't wake up even after we calling you a hundred times . But you hear the word 'Krishna ', and you jump out of bed..Silly/Crazy girl..' My brother gave me a resigned look and went back to bed. 

I wouldn't mind waking up like this everyday though :)

Hare Krishna!

'Unending Love' ~ Rabindranath Tagore

I love most of the poems by Rabindranath Tagore. I absolutely , love this one (translated from the original Bengali version by William Radice )

Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,

That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,

Its ancient tale of being apart or together.

As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,

Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:

You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.

At the heart of time, love of one for another.

We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same

Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-

Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you

The love of all man’s days both past and forever:

Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.

The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –

And the songs of every poet past and forever.

Reminds us of who? ;)

Gopi Gita

Here is one rendering I love. It is not the full version though. The translation is available on the  video too. 

Krishna Is...

( Written on a day when I first heard the Gopi Gita)

Krishna,

The 'Gopi Gita' or the 'Song of the Gopis ' so beautifully portrays the feelings of the Gopis when You left them during the Maharaas. I can only imagine what your beloved gopis went through..when you later left Vrindavan for good, never to return .Your childhood at Vraja had come to an end. Krishna, the part of your life that will , in the times to come , be remembered lovingly was coming to an end .

When I first read about you leaving Braja, in this book someone gifted to my mom 'Krishnayanam', I cried my eyes out. I was around eight or nine , yet i felt so sad . If someone, who has only an image of 'Krishna' , carried across thousands of years, sung,made into serials and writtten upon..be so affected by Krishna's departuure ( as described in a book)..then what would have been the condition of the Brajwasis?

They knew Kanha since he was born. Yashoda's darling son was part of their lives in ways inseparable and unknown even to them.  They were losing their son, friend, lover..for Krishna was all that and more to them . I love the Gopi Geet. But some parts of it are especially sweet..- Like when the gopis remember how Krishna had saved them from Kaliya, from the demons and protected them. Why? Because here we see how the gopis loved Krishna- They knew him since he was a little child. Loved him with that affection that you feel for someone whom you've known your entire life so far, someone who makes your day, whom you can tease, talk about anything with,,with no inhibitions at all. He was an integral part of each Brajwasis' life, not just of the Gopis' . 

But Krishna had to fulfill the purpose of his avataar on Earth. His childhood lilas in Brindavan had to end., to be immortalised forever..the sweetest chapter in Krishna's life had to be closed. 

Imagine, if Krishna hadn't left Vraja, all those other roles he played wouldn't be there for us. If he had not spoken the Bhagvad Gita to Arjuna, what would people in this age  have, to hold on to? For, their link with Krishna is his words. Yes, Krishna's words. Words that urge you to fight for what is right, to shed your weakness, words that give happiness and comfort and timeless wisdom..his promises to those who would love him after he left Earth. 

So, if our Krishna did not leave his childhood home, there would be no Gita, no Draupadi to surrender to Krishna, no Sudama - he would not be someone who lived a full  life. Someone whom everyone can relate or look up to. 

My dad , for instance , is all for the wisdom in the Gita.  He considers Krishna as ..I really don't know..as God? ..as a great soul who spoke words to live by. His childhood and other aspects we love so much, doesn't interest him much. Whenever I see him poring over the Gita, or writing something down..etc. Or, when we go to temples and places like that, and i see all these people selling devotional stuff.. a shop selling idols of Krishna..an old man selling flower garlands for him. These lines always come to my mind ~ 

~ The scholars immeresed in all their pursuits,
And the merchants immersed , in making money,
No matter who, they all are singing,
Govinda Damodar Madhaveti~ 
( parts from an English version of 'Govind Damodar Madhaveti') 

Okay, the whole of that kirtan is about how every one,  in one way or another remembers Krishna.
Krishna, I really don't know what I meant to write here..but just this - 

Thank You , for You, Krishnaa :)

~And as the Gopis finished singing the Gopi Geet, Krishna appeared before them ... :)

Love,
Lost Gopi 

Its Janmashtami Again !

Our beloved baby's birthday is here!!!  How fast a year has gone by! I love watching the Janmastami count down to midnight on TV . They show it live from the Mathura Janmasthan , Dwarkanath temple  and Banke Bihariji temple in Vraj..Im usually confused switching channels between them..the devotion and excitement of the devotees gets me jumping around ..ha haa. There I'll be gripping the remote, pacing in front of my mother ..she'll be dozing off in front of the TV .. I keep exclaiming that its almost timee ..any moment now..lol .. As the clock ticks on, I will go outside to our balcony, and stare out into the darkness of the night. The night air is cool and the deep silence is in contrast to all the excitement going on inside ..well mostly just me, and the TV.  

Wow..on a similar cold, dark night yearss ago,  in a dark dungeon in Mathura , our baby Krishna was about to take birth..I shiver and smile..and run back inside , glancing at the Puja room on my way in. 

Its 12.00 clock! I wake my mother up, shouting 'Krishna's born..look..are you even watching! ' The curtains are withdrawn to reveal Krishna's idols ..elaborately decorated . The devotees erupt into chants of 'Hare Krishna' and 'Jai Kanhaiya lal ki' ..their love and joy is so infectious .! I feel like im there.  There's 'Nand ke Anand Bhayo' playing in the background , and the temple priest starts doing the Aarti.  I rush to the Puja room and wish him a ' Happy Birthday Krishna !!!'  I have work the next morning, so I go to sleep then .. Happy thoughts of people in different parts of the world rejoicing in one tiny baby's birth fill my mind.

This is my Janmashtami night routine :) 

Happy Janmashtami eveyone!!

Some Thoughts..

Krishna..You are the soul of the Universe. You are present in every living creature as the life energy, however big, small or insignificant they be. So, you reside in me too. Oh Diviner of hearts, you know my every thought..You are Antaryami . While I wonder, plan, analyse or just idle away my time..you smile lovingly at me. Your mind or thoughts, who can divine? Your actions have the master plan of the entire Universe in its wake. You are the Lord of the Universe, but of my life too..dearest friend .Krishna, I am so infinitely lucky to have you. 

Madhava, you have said in the Bhagavad Gita : " My pure devotees find great pleasure in thinking of me, hearing about me, talking of me and exchanging stories among themselves, remembering my

pastimes.. " Though I am not a 'pure' devotee, what you've said is so true! Krishna, I am happiest doing all those things you said!!

But I miss you too, especially when I read about your life,,in Vrindavan, Mathura and Dwaraka . I miss your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your flute..the way you act innocent or mischevious..your ways, Your love. Everything related to you, Krishna.  I wish I was born in Dwapar Yug, but they say that it is

a great thing to be born even if as a blade of grass in Kalyug. Maybe so.

Sometimes, Krishna, I see you everywhere. I see your beauty reflected in everything beautiful. I feel you in the warmth of the morning sun's first rays, the rose that bloomed yesterday, the rain clouds that gather, and in the sunshine after rain. 

I hear the melody of your flute when I repeat your name, I look for your face in the moon..among the dark greenness of the Nutmeg trees' leaves..In the evenings, when the sky is tinted an orange pink  with the last rays of the setting sun, I sit by my Tulsi plants, close my eyes and imagine myself in the banks of the Yamuna .. (or rather , transported there 5000 years back) .. waiting for you to return after grazing your beloved cows.

But, sometimes, the realisation that you are no longer here on Earth hits me. That I cannot go to Vrindavan and hope to see you there, not in the real sense ! That though you may love me, and I can feel you around , I cant see you or talk to you in real life..at least not in this life. Kanna, sometimes I miss you so!! 

So, all I can conclude from this rambling is- any feeling..be it ecstatic happiness, peace, pain of separation, awe, love, trust, surrender..is the greatest form of bliss for me. And I pray you to please keep it that way.

Yours forever,

Lost Gopi

What If ?

I wrote this long back, when I felt that I was too dependent on Krishna for my happiness and support ..and then the usual 'What if he's not real?' thoughts follow.  I had enough of it. And this was my 
attempt at a conclusion ( that i mentioned in my earlier post) . One that satisfies my mind at least :)

Dear Lord Krishna,

Why do my thoughts drift towards you so often? I am not even sure if you exist, or if you are just someone molded into the image of God, by people, since ancient times? Did they just make you up..
with all the qualities and beauty and love they imagined God would possess? 

Or perhaps, you were just an ordinary person who lived in Dwapar Yug, maybe a King - Lord of Dwaraka - who possessed such charm .. a king loved greatly by his people? Did the saints and sages of your time adore you so much that they thought you were God? Or turned you into one? 

God, if he exists at all, is he different from You? People from different religions imagine God in different ways..They all agree that he is the Supreme formless Brahman or the Universal Energy.
Even Krishna in his impersonal form is as such. But, if God could take a form, will it not be of Krishna's? 

Madhava..i don't know. You may think that having all these doubts surely means that my faith, love and devotion to You is weak. Maybe so. But know this, dear Hari, even if i wanted to i cannot distance myself from you. I have tried. And i felt so empty, so strangely sad. I cant do it. I know only one thing for sure..I cannot exist without you , Krishna . 

Krishna is as real as I am. If, after this life, i have no existence( as in , there is nothing more to life after death, no God etc) I would be okay with it. But, if I should have some form of existence, then I cannot do so without Krishna. 

I guess the ideal form of God would be the one, the formless supreme soul , who would take different forms as their devotees worship him to be - as Jesus, Allah, Universe, ..or in the case of Krishna bhakts , as our beloved Krishna !

Let me live  this life loving you as Krishna . That's all i ask.

Yours forever ,
Lost Gopi 

Hey Guys!

Its been such a long time since i posted anything here. I was quite busy with  my 'worldly' life ..trying to be more of who i wanted to be and all that. As a result, Krishna hasn't been in my thoughts as much as before. Of course, whenever I feel happy or something unexpectedly good happens i always go ' Oh Krishna..! '. I dont love him any less but its a little different from earlier.  Janmastami is almost here, its tomorrow ! Good thing i checked the calender, or i would've missed it!!  

So , thought of posting a few of my old entries from my diary for now. There's so much I want to write about -  my life, thoughts, Krishna..and just random things. But it will have to wait.

Ha, so these thoughts are rather old . But when i read them now, I can actually relive the emotions of my earlier days in Krishna Consciousness. And i wouldn't want to lose them, ever. 

Krishnayena Barade ?

Everything is just so confusing. I seem to be living in some kind of vicious cycle..I keep finding myself back where I started, for the umpteenth time ! 

I know that I am so very blessed. I am so so grateful to Krishna . For everything. For this life, for all the good things in it..for  Him..
But , I cant help wishing that some things were not the way they are. 

Instead of letting them bring me down,  I really should try to be more of the person that Krishna would like me to be.  Again. 


And leave the rest to Krishna .

A Search

Dear Krishna,

You have always been a part of my life, right from my childhood till now. I kind of let you go as i grew older. You still fascinated me , but I thought of you as someone who lived thousands of years ago, as God..Sometimes I wished  you were real, but how should I know if you are . So you remained as such, in the border between imagination and reality.

But now (has been a few years now), Krishna, you are back and this time youre here to stay :) There is this issue of you being real/God/just a historical figure etc..
Every now and then,  doubts about your existence and true nature keep surfacing in my mind . How is a girl supposed to find an answer to this age old question? Still, I have tried to and reached a conclusion that satisfies my mind, at least. (That is going to be a different post). 

 All the scriptures and holy books agree upon the idea that God is the all pervading Universal energy. The concept of calling out to the Universe is too vague for me. I have tried to use the ' Law of Attraction' to try and heal myself of a genetic condition that I have. It was kind of a desperate attempt. And i got a horrible migraine headache in the process . My body cant take that much of energy,I get one if I am feeling very high or too low .  Great.

Anyway,  Krishna, you as the Supreme Brahman though powerful..seems too impersonal and distant  .  

The Krishna whom we know and love  is none other than the  all powerful, formless Supreme Soul. Its so much easier to surrender myself to Krishna and trust him with things that may not be in our control. When I lose myself in thoughts of  you, like by listening to songs about you or reading about you, your lilas ..the happiness and peace is so great..yet somehow i feel like I have to be in your world and time . Its like you remain there, and I have to come back to my world as it is..without you in it. Alone to deal with all that life hands out.  

Then it finally hit me. You were right here in my world and I didnt realise it , you as Guruvayoorappan.  Becoz, you Guruvayoorappa is my lovable own God.. you are my personal God. He is everyone's, in whatever form or name they choose to call him by.  Krishna's relationship with his devotees is on a very personal level..we make him so deeply involved in our lives..dont we?  Hmm..how do I put it? In one blog on Krishna, a devotee was saying how Krishna takes a special form for each of us, so that He is more accessible to us in this age..Took me long enough to realise that :)

Krishna you are only as distant as we imagine you to be. Instead of searching for you in the Universe , in Vrindavan or anywhere else, I know where I'll find you . 

Right here with me :) 

Yours,
Lost Gopi

PS: I've often felt that when I need to find the will to do something hard or deal with something , it takes him to get me to do it. I have to convince myself to do it for his sake , to not let him down . Though i have, lots of times.  I know devotees who gather strength from Krishnas words and his life.   There are people who radiate happiness and warmth, who  makes the lives of others a little better, whose actions remind you of him. Maybe thats what people mean when they search for God and find him in their own minds. They say, God is in us..Yes, Krishna is in us too :)

Dancing by the light of the Moon

                 Na jaane tose kaun yugon ka naata..                             

It was Sharad Purnima and I was outside on the terrace of my home staring at the full  moon and thinking of Krishna..

Five thousand years back, on a beautiful  night in autumn , Krishna played his enchanting flute..It was on this night that the Gopis of Vrindavan danced the Maha Raas with Krishna..

Reader, you are warned of the craziness that followed..
I made sure that no neighbors were peeping out from behind their curtains and the members of my family were all safely occupied in worldly matters.  Then i put the song  'Kanha re..thoda sa pyaar de' (from Ramanand Sagars  tv serial 'Sri Krishna') on my phone and danced ! :)

I danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the big yellow moon, lol.. 
Danced for krishna,  closed my eyes and imagined him dancing  with me .

It felt SO amazing to dance like that!! I felt deliriously happy! :)

The pic is just something i put together in paint  that night . I know, its not a great piece of work. But I was overwhelmed with how Krishnas love is eternal..how it transcends time and space..And tell me you havent looked at the moon, and imagined to see Krishnas face smiling at you!  In Sagars Krishna , there's this song 'Na Jaane Tose kaun yugon ka naata' ..I particularly love these lines from it.

Behti jaaye samay ki dhara
The stream of Time continues to flow      
 Prem jahaan tha vahi khada muskaata,
Love just stands still and smiles

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Krishna re, tose janam janam ka naata
Oh Krishna, my bond with you lasts through every lifetime.

Dont you ?