So.. Its been a while . I have such a lot going on in my life
right now . I really want to blog about
all that as well , because I think it
would be nice.. like maybe 20 years from now , I’d like to look back on my thoughts,
views, hopes , the people that were a part of my life , things happening.. Hmm, maybe later though .
So now I’m just going to randomly post a few ‘letters’ to
Krishna, from my ooold diary , where I
used to write down my thoughts about him , about 2 years back. It might seem
rather juvenile , lol, but here goes ..
#1 When I got my Idol of Krishna ..
Krishna, its been a while since this realization dawned on
me regarding how much of a ‘’bhakt” , as I claim to be , I really am.
You have always been there for those who love you, you
yourself make arrangements for us to increase our devotion to you, if we even
take just the slightest step towards you.. Why? Because you love us too! Kanna,
they say that if we take one step towards you, you take a hundred steps towards
us ..
So, there I was, wishing I had an idol of you so that I
could have your beautiful form to behold always..so that I could worship my
Krishna even more. And you heard my wistful prayers I think . I went searching
for you at that shop in Trichy, but you in Bronze was too expensive .. and heavy
too, lol. But what a sight greeted me at the Emporium , a dozen blue Krishna
statues, right at the entrance! But, I didn’t pick one, for reasons that are stupid
, and selfish . Yet you gave me a second
chance . My uncle was going to Guruvayur, and Ammamma ( my grandmom) told him
about my wish . Kanna , I really didn’t want you to make this a big deal, I felt a
bit silly , becoz now others may start to wonder why I have suddenly gotten it
in my head to want a Krishna idol . Can
you be more subtle, Krishna( *angry face at him*)I mean, what next, they’d
think I was trying to be like Meerabai .. I am not! Think of that, Kanna, me walking the streets , with your idol in my
arms, singing and dancing..haha.. Krishna, don’t get me wrong.. I just don’t
want others to think whatever it is..They just won’t get it, Madhava. And you
can’t blame them. I mean, this is the 21st century, not the 15th.
Yes, you put me in this world in the wrong century!
So, I was caught between being a little mad at you, at the
same time a little happy too.. coz this means you heard my wish, right? Maybe
you were making this happen? ( More like coincidence..I know, but it’s still
nice to think like that :) ) But alas, my ‘’fall from grace” it was
to be..
When my uncle asked me what kind of Krishna I wanted, and
whether a slightly small one would be fin, what did I do? I had my doubts. I
wanted my Krishna to be beautiful, and just the right size. I couldn’t decide
if a small one would make me happy, I didn’t want to be disappointed when I
finally got you. Result -> I didn’t get you.
There. Can I be more selfish? The reason I wanted you was so
that I could please you more, not myself.. not my senses! How can I even go about wondering if you’d be
exactly as I desired or not? If I truly loved you, would I have done that? I
was trying to capture your enchanting face in my ‘’never got it’’ idol..how can
your face not be as I wanted…(God knows, I imagine you in a thousand different
ways ) , when I set my eyes, filled with love , on you? My claims just proved to be false; I placed
more importance on me than you. Dearest Madhava, please remove such stupid
thoughts from my mind, I hope one day I would be worthy of You.
Krishna, the Gopis prayed to you to place your lotus feet
upon their body and rid their mind of all feelings of false pride and selfish
desire. Hari, this unworthy girl requests you to do the same. Make me pure in
thought, so that I’ll love you more each passing day of my life. . Yours, X .
# 2 Dear Krishna,
It has been a while since I wrote to you here ( ie, my diary) , but quite a lot has happened. The
much awaited Guruvayur trip has come and gone . Now it is back to work, debugging
etc.. So, I finally got you here, Krishna , in my home..as my sweet Krishna
idol. Everyone here totally thinks you look amazingly sweet and beautiful ..that
you look like Guruvayurappan himself , you know, like there is this specially
adorable something about you.... Kahi lag na jaaye tujhe, Duniya ki poore nazar.. :) Yes, I love you too!
I love the fact that everyone else at my home thinks/ talks
about you a little more now, as compared to earlier. And now its no secret that
Krishna holds my heart and Krishna, I don’t ever want it back . Kind of cheesy, I know , lol.
Okay , apart from that, work is getting to be really tiring.
Hari, please solve that Mahasiva’s ( a client from work) issue tomorrow , or
help me . I am sick of trying to get his taxes tallied, and trying to solve the " Mystery of the Missing Documents ". And
Indofil’s and Endurance's issue are pending too.. Why do I get such kind of
issues? Hmm..
On a different note, I happened to come across this
blog of a devotee , in some remote
location in the world . Krishna, I love it when someone far removed from here ,
ie India, someone in the Finnish countryside, is your devotee . Wow,,people
like that are really inspiring in many ways . So Krishna, thanks for everything
you continue to do for me and everything I have . As for these slight ‘
troubles’ in life ( read..Mahasiva’s
unsolvable? Issue , etc ..) well , I’ll deal with that. Soo.. bye for now..Love
you!
