Its Janmashtami Again !

Our beloved baby's birthday is here!!!  How fast a year has gone by! I love watching the Janmastami count down to midnight on TV . They show it live from the Mathura Janmasthan , Dwarkanath temple  and Banke Bihariji temple in Vraj..Im usually confused switching channels between them..the devotion and excitement of the devotees gets me jumping around ..ha haa. There I'll be gripping the remote, pacing in front of my mother ..she'll be dozing off in front of the TV .. I keep exclaiming that its almost timee ..any moment now..lol .. As the clock ticks on, I will go outside to our balcony, and stare out into the darkness of the night. The night air is cool and the deep silence is in contrast to all the excitement going on inside ..well mostly just me, and the TV.  

Wow..on a similar cold, dark night yearss ago,  in a dark dungeon in Mathura , our baby Krishna was about to take birth..I shiver and smile..and run back inside , glancing at the Puja room on my way in. 

Its 12.00 clock! I wake my mother up, shouting 'Krishna's born..look..are you even watching! ' The curtains are withdrawn to reveal Krishna's idols ..elaborately decorated . The devotees erupt into chants of 'Hare Krishna' and 'Jai Kanhaiya lal ki' ..their love and joy is so infectious .! I feel like im there.  There's 'Nand ke Anand Bhayo' playing in the background , and the temple priest starts doing the Aarti.  I rush to the Puja room and wish him a ' Happy Birthday Krishna !!!'  I have work the next morning, so I go to sleep then .. Happy thoughts of people in different parts of the world rejoicing in one tiny baby's birth fill my mind.

This is my Janmashtami night routine :) 

Happy Janmashtami eveyone!!

Some Thoughts..

Krishna..You are the soul of the Universe. You are present in every living creature as the life energy, however big, small or insignificant they be. So, you reside in me too. Oh Diviner of hearts, you know my every thought..You are Antaryami . While I wonder, plan, analyse or just idle away my time..you smile lovingly at me. Your mind or thoughts, who can divine? Your actions have the master plan of the entire Universe in its wake. You are the Lord of the Universe, but of my life too..dearest friend .Krishna, I am so infinitely lucky to have you. 

Madhava, you have said in the Bhagavad Gita : " My pure devotees find great pleasure in thinking of me, hearing about me, talking of me and exchanging stories among themselves, remembering my

pastimes.. " Though I am not a 'pure' devotee, what you've said is so true! Krishna, I am happiest doing all those things you said!!

But I miss you too, especially when I read about your life,,in Vrindavan, Mathura and Dwaraka . I miss your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your flute..the way you act innocent or mischevious..your ways, Your love. Everything related to you, Krishna.  I wish I was born in Dwapar Yug, but they say that it is

a great thing to be born even if as a blade of grass in Kalyug. Maybe so.

Sometimes, Krishna, I see you everywhere. I see your beauty reflected in everything beautiful. I feel you in the warmth of the morning sun's first rays, the rose that bloomed yesterday, the rain clouds that gather, and in the sunshine after rain. 

I hear the melody of your flute when I repeat your name, I look for your face in the moon..among the dark greenness of the Nutmeg trees' leaves..In the evenings, when the sky is tinted an orange pink  with the last rays of the setting sun, I sit by my Tulsi plants, close my eyes and imagine myself in the banks of the Yamuna .. (or rather , transported there 5000 years back) .. waiting for you to return after grazing your beloved cows.

But, sometimes, the realisation that you are no longer here on Earth hits me. That I cannot go to Vrindavan and hope to see you there, not in the real sense ! That though you may love me, and I can feel you around , I cant see you or talk to you in real life..at least not in this life. Kanna, sometimes I miss you so!! 

So, all I can conclude from this rambling is- any feeling..be it ecstatic happiness, peace, pain of separation, awe, love, trust, surrender..is the greatest form of bliss for me. And I pray you to please keep it that way.

Yours forever,

Lost Gopi

What If ?

I wrote this long back, when I felt that I was too dependent on Krishna for my happiness and support ..and then the usual 'What if he's not real?' thoughts follow.  I had enough of it. And this was my 
attempt at a conclusion ( that i mentioned in my earlier post) . One that satisfies my mind at least :)

Dear Lord Krishna,

Why do my thoughts drift towards you so often? I am not even sure if you exist, or if you are just someone molded into the image of God, by people, since ancient times? Did they just make you up..
with all the qualities and beauty and love they imagined God would possess? 

Or perhaps, you were just an ordinary person who lived in Dwapar Yug, maybe a King - Lord of Dwaraka - who possessed such charm .. a king loved greatly by his people? Did the saints and sages of your time adore you so much that they thought you were God? Or turned you into one? 

God, if he exists at all, is he different from You? People from different religions imagine God in different ways..They all agree that he is the Supreme formless Brahman or the Universal Energy.
Even Krishna in his impersonal form is as such. But, if God could take a form, will it not be of Krishna's? 

Madhava..i don't know. You may think that having all these doubts surely means that my faith, love and devotion to You is weak. Maybe so. But know this, dear Hari, even if i wanted to i cannot distance myself from you. I have tried. And i felt so empty, so strangely sad. I cant do it. I know only one thing for sure..I cannot exist without you , Krishna . 

Krishna is as real as I am. If, after this life, i have no existence( as in , there is nothing more to life after death, no God etc) I would be okay with it. But, if I should have some form of existence, then I cannot do so without Krishna. 

I guess the ideal form of God would be the one, the formless supreme soul , who would take different forms as their devotees worship him to be - as Jesus, Allah, Universe, ..or in the case of Krishna bhakts , as our beloved Krishna !

Let me live  this life loving you as Krishna . That's all i ask.

Yours forever ,
Lost Gopi 

Hey Guys!

Its been such a long time since i posted anything here. I was quite busy with  my 'worldly' life ..trying to be more of who i wanted to be and all that. As a result, Krishna hasn't been in my thoughts as much as before. Of course, whenever I feel happy or something unexpectedly good happens i always go ' Oh Krishna..! '. I dont love him any less but its a little different from earlier.  Janmastami is almost here, its tomorrow ! Good thing i checked the calender, or i would've missed it!!  

So , thought of posting a few of my old entries from my diary for now. There's so much I want to write about -  my life, thoughts, Krishna..and just random things. But it will have to wait.

Ha, so these thoughts are rather old . But when i read them now, I can actually relive the emotions of my earlier days in Krishna Consciousness. And i wouldn't want to lose them, ever.