Krishna..You are the soul of the Universe. You are present in every living creature as the life energy, however big, small or insignificant they be. So, you reside in me too. Oh Diviner of hearts, you know my every thought..You are Antaryami . While I wonder, plan, analyse or just idle away my time..you smile lovingly at me. Your mind or thoughts, who can divine? Your actions have the master plan of the entire Universe in its wake. You are the Lord of the Universe, but of my life too..dearest friend .Krishna, I am so infinitely lucky to have you.
Madhava, you have said in the Bhagavad Gita : " My pure devotees find great pleasure in thinking of me, hearing about me, talking of me and exchanging stories among themselves, remembering my
pastimes.. " Though I am not a 'pure' devotee, what you've said is so true! Krishna, I am happiest doing all those things you said!!
But I miss you too, especially when I read about your life,,in Vrindavan, Mathura and Dwaraka . I miss your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your flute..the way you act innocent or mischevious..your ways, Your love. Everything related to you, Krishna. I wish I was born in Dwapar Yug, but they say that it is
a great thing to be born even if as a blade of grass in Kalyug. Maybe so.
Sometimes, Krishna, I see you everywhere. I see your beauty reflected in everything beautiful. I feel you in the warmth of the morning sun's first rays, the rose that bloomed yesterday, the rain clouds that gather, and in the sunshine after rain.
I hear the melody of your flute when I repeat your name, I look for your face in the moon..among the dark greenness of the Nutmeg trees' leaves..In the evenings, when the sky is tinted an orange pink with the last rays of the setting sun, I sit by my Tulsi plants, close my eyes and imagine myself in the banks of the Yamuna .. (or rather , transported there 5000 years back) .. waiting for you to return after grazing your beloved cows.
But, sometimes, the realisation that you are no longer here on Earth hits me. That I cannot go to Vrindavan and hope to see you there, not in the real sense ! That though you may love me, and I can feel you around , I cant see you or talk to you in real life..at least not in this life. Kanna, sometimes I miss you so!!
So, all I can conclude from this rambling is- any feeling..be it ecstatic happiness, peace, pain of separation, awe, love, trust, surrender..is the greatest form of bliss for me. And I pray you to please keep it that way.
Yours forever,
Lost Gopi
That. Was. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAnd soooo true!! :) :)
Yes, even though we aren't pure, thinking of Krishna gives us the utmost pleasure :)
I know! Every night, I lean against the picture of my beloved Kahna, which is on the wall, and I speak to him. Sometimes I tell him of my day, and how much I love him and feel thankful for him and just am glad to have such a wonderful friend. Sometimes I cry to him and ask for help or forgiveness or some sort of guidance. And sometimes, I just look into his eyes and speak through silence. I let my heart talk to Krishna. Sometimes I ask him why he rarely visits me in my dreams and has never visited me in reality, and why my faith waivers although I don't want it to. I ask why my eyes fill with tears when I just want to talk to someone so badly, but more than that, I want to hear someone reply. I want someone to tell me that everything will be okay, and that they will always be there for me. Like, not speak through things, but through his actual voice. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was one of the gopis in Vrindavana charmed by the beauty of Krishna. Sometimes I wish I was another Radha who could actually spend time in my Lord's arms. And even though that's not possible, I've made my closet my very own Vrindavana, and the only thing that I lack there is the actual physical presence of Krishna. Needless to say, however, I just know he's there... listening... waiting for the right moment to come. I just hope that the moment, whenever it may be, is soon.
I am madly in love with Krishna and even if he never comes, he will always be the Lord of my Life forever.
My reflection on this: http://krishnasdivinegrace.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-love.html